Finally Wexley has done it. Finally! After exhausting its supply of living, breathing, sexy day-walking interns, Wexley has hired Brandon. A dead Brandon. Where did we find him? Beyond the grave! BWAHAHAHAHAHAH! (several loud peals of thunder)

Ok not really…but he did play a dead person in Pirates of the Caribbean III and in an episode of Bones. That’s right, Brandon double died. And it was mind-blowing. We don’t know how we did it, but we lured Brandon away from the luxurious lifestyle of an established F-list actor. Did you hear that Hollywood? Are you scared? You should be. We have Star Power now, and we’re going to use it to establish a fan base of screaming tweens and new accounts. You don’t believe us do you? Well we don’t believe you. Here’s proof unbelieving unbeliever:

Brandon about to feel the ropey sting of death in Pirates of the Caribbean III

Brandon and his brother, victims of murder and bad acting

Yup, Brandon died alright. So did his brother. You know someone is dead when David Boreanaz holds up a blurry photo of them. That’s prime-time dying. That’s supernatural talent. And that’s exactly what Wexley was looking for…that and a nice deli-fresh panini sandwich. There ain’t nothin’ like a piping hot ‘nini. MMMMMMmmmmmm. Brandon makes that sound after he bites people. Our skin itches…