Bonnie Tyler’s “Total Eclipse of the Heart” video VS. Lissette’s “Eclipse Total del Amore.” Who wins? We ran elements from each video through Wexley’s patented New NEW Super Scientific Ninja Math and found that Bonnie Tyler wins hands down due to her inclusion of leather daddies with the power of a wind machine.

That’s right… Leather daddies with the power of a wind machine beat out the sum of glitter dresses, emotional face cupping, ninjas, possessed choir boys, Lissette and even Bonnie Tyler herself.

We’re not kidding - it’s science. Click on the picture above to check out the equation in detail. We showed our work.

This is an amazing new science developed by the Wexley School for Girls’ 1st year computer class. Whereas previous computer sciences were made of 0’s and 1’s our science is made of 8’s and 7’s, thus giving you the science that is almost 8 times greater than the previous science.

The internet is wider and deeper. The air is richer and 8 times healthier. The views are grander. The animals are stronger, and the best part of Octomachanics is that none of the research is done on animals. It is all done on simulated animals that were created with Octomeachanics. It’s crazy. And it’s here.